“He told me you seem very selective in who you date,” a mutual friend texted. “and that you are out of his league.” I disagreed with the latter. I desperately tried to disagree with the former too. Kernov and I had all the ingredients to whip up a perfect love story after all. We liked each other, shared the same interests and we both had the time and space to share our lives. On top of that we kept on running into each other. His friends joked that our chance encounters had to be a sign. It certainly seemed like the start of an exciting love story. If only it would have felt like one too.
I didn’t want to let a good thing slip through my fingers, so I foolishly reasoned time would perhaps spark my interest. Weeks had gone by in which I was backing away slowly but surely, when I finally told him at a friend’s party that I didn’t see it working out. I sat on the bed while he sat on the windowsill. I apologized. It was silent. I apologized again. He was especially silent. Until he said I had apologized four times already and asked me to stop. I’m an expert on putting unrequited love stories to an end, but taking care of someone else’s feelings in these situations, I have yet to learn. In the following weeks I heard from his friends that Kernov was having a difficult time, despite the fact he had seen it coming. I was just as angry at myself for not falling for a good guy as I was for not being more forgiving towards myself.
Meanwhile Arizona didn’t let a day go by without messaging me. He messaged me in the morning, he messaged me right before he went to sleep. He messaged me to tell me about his day, he messaged me to invite me to be a part of his day. When Arizona asked me about my plans for the weekend I got excited, hoping for a little clarity on what had been going on between us. Only for him to tell me about the dates he’s got lined up. Arizona was the kind of distraction I could do without. I mulled over it for days and decided to put an end to all the pondering. In an attempt to get away from all the mixed emotions that surrounded Kernov and Arizona, I turned towards Tinder.